BATON ROUGE, LA – In a move that city officials are calling an unfortunate necessity, East Baton Rouge has officially declared all city-parish buildings condom-free zones following the latest scandal between current Councilman Anthony Kenney and his predecessor, Chauna Banks.
Kenney claims Banks planted a single condom in his office as a petty act of sabotage. Banks, however, firmly denies the accusation, saying, “It couldn’t have been me—I seen the reports and the wrapper was from a small condom but all I carry is XL, baby.”
Despite the statement, the scandal has prompted a new ordinance banning condoms from all government buildings to “prevent future sabotage.”
The announcement has already sparked unrest among city-parish employees, with rumors of a mass walkout brewing. “First the new mayor bans day drinking, now we can’t have rubbers no more. We’ve had enough,” one anonymous employee said while quietly cleaning out their desk.
New signage will mark government buildings as “Condom-Free Zones,” and staffers have been instructed to double-check their belongings—especially drawers once occupied by Banks.
There’s no truth to the rumor that the city-parish is spending $2.4 million to install condom detectors at every building entrance. “We’re only installing them at the Council on Aging,” one official clarified, “because that’s where the most of the screwing goes on.”
