NEW ORLEANS, LA – Following the escape of 11 inmates—some facing murder charges—from the Orleans Parish jail this week, officials at the facility say they’re “reassessing their entire incarceration model.” A source inside the jail says they have been kicking around simply letting everyone out and just starting over.
“We’re getting dangerously close to not knowing who’s supposed to be in here and who’s just crashing,” said one exhausted jail administrator. “At this point, some of the inmates have been here so long they’re basically staff.”
Staff only realized the inmates were missing after one of them showed up on Instagram live—broadcasting from a daiquiri shop less than a mile from the jail. In the aftermath, officials say they’re moving beyond “traditional incarceration” and looking into innovative solutions like turning the jail into a mixed-use space with holding cells by day and rentable event venues by night. One proposal includes converting Cell Block D into a speakeasy called “The Slammer.”
In a move critics are calling “performance theater,” the facility was immediately placed on lockdown—a security measure implemented well after the inmates had already walked out the front door.
When asked how they plan to track the escapees, authorities shrugged. “They’re probably still in New Orleans. If they’re smart, they’ll turn themselves in just to get some AC.”
