BATON ROUGE, LA – In a heartfelt ceremony attended by two state contractors on their lunch break and a stray nutria, Louisiana celebrated five decades of “monitoring” Capitol Lakes pollution by unveiling a brand-new sign near the water’s edge.
The sign, which reads “Still Toxic – But We’re Watching It”, replaces an older, faded version that has been hanging around since the Edwin Edwards administration. Officials say the upgrade symbolizes their ongoing commitment to “passive awareness.”
“Look, we’ve done our part. We acknowledged the problem in 1975, and then again briefly in 1993 when someone fell in,” said a representative from the state. “This sign is proof we’re not ignoring it—we’re just not doing anything either.”
Local residents say the new sign adds a much-needed aesthetic touch to the chemically unstable shoreline. “It’s cute,” said one jogger. “Matches the color of the fish now.”
The EPA reaffirmed its plan to review possible cleanup strategies by 2042, pending funding and the development of a suit capable of withstanding the lake’s current pH level: molten battery acid.
Experts confirm the lake’s toxicity levels are stable—assuming “stable” means “exactly as lethal as they’ve always been.”
