BATON ROUGE, La. – A group of progressive activists is boiling mad over the treatment of imported crawfish at the Louisiana Crawfish Festival, launching a statewide campaign to protect the rights of undocumented seafood.

Calling themselves Crustacean Liberation Front (CLF), the group argues that crawfish—regardless of country of origin—should have the right to “enter any gumbo pot they choose.”

“These crawfish are fleeing overcrowded ponds and oppressive spice regimes,” said CLF founder Soleil Boudreaux, holding a protest sign reading “Boil Borders, Not Dreams.”

Governor Jeff Landry blasted the group as “radical shellfish sympathizers” and announced the deployment of Crawfish Patrol Units—state-funded agents tasked with checking festival vendors for undocumented mudbugs and “ensuring every tail is 100% Louisiana-grown.”

This is about protecting Louisiana culture. If we start letting in unvetted seafood, what’s next—cauliflower rice in boudin? Not while I’m governor!

With festival season heating up and pressure mounting, political analysts say the issue could boil over into next year’s gubernatorial race—especially as rumors swirl that Landry may push for legislation requiring DNA tests for all crawfish and shrimp sold in public.