New Orleans Solves Teacher Shortage by Hiring Unconvicted Felons

NEW ORLEANS, La. – Struggling with failing schools and skyrocketing crime, city officials have found a two-for-one solution: hiring criminals as teachers.

“With police taking hours to respond and DA Jason Williams dropping felonies like Mardi Gras beads, we saw an opportunity,” said Mayor LaToya Cantrell. “Why let talent go to waste?”

The “Books Before Bars” program fast-tracks recently released suspects into classrooms. “Most of these kids are already learning about crime firsthand—at least now it’s structured,” said School Board President Katherine Baudouin.

Not all educators are thrilled, however. “I got into teaching to make a difference, not to share a break room with Ray-Ray ‘Two Straps’ Johnson,” said third-grade teacher Cheryl Jenkins. “How am I supposed to discipline a kid when his uncle is my coworker and also my parole officer?”

When asked how they’d measure success, city leaders said, “We’ll just drop failing grades the same way we drop felony charges.”