BATON ROUGE, LA – In yet another feat of suspiciously perfect timing, Congressman Cleo Fields has reportedly purchased a large amount of U-Haul stock just days before New York City voters elected self-described socialist Zohran Mamdani as mayor. When asked about the move, Fields brushed it off, calling it “another lucky guess.”
Analysts noted the investment came as polls showed Mamdani pulling ahead, prompting fears of a mass migration of taxpayers before the ink on the results dried. Fields, who recently made headlines for buying Oracle stock just before a major federal tech deal, appears to have shifted his portfolio from cloud storage to climate-controlled storage.
Critics say the timing “looks like Deja Vu,” but Fields insists he just believes in the “resilience of the American moving industry.”
“I can’t help it,” Fields told reporters. “Some people have intuition. I just happen to have incredible luck.”
