DENHAM SPRINGS, LA – The Denham Springs City Council has officially asked the Governor to deploy National Guard units to town, citing what they call an “out-of-control holiday lighting crisis.”
According to officials, several residents have already begun stringing up Christmas decorations despite it being only October, a move the council insists threatens “the very fabric of seasonal order.” Local ordinances prohibit holiday displays before November 1, but enforcement has proven difficult.
“We’ve tried code officers, we’ve tried polite letters, we’ve even tried prayer,” said one council member. “At this point, only the National Guard has the manpower to restore discipline.”
Residents can expect Humvees patrolling subdivisions at night, with soldiers tasked to identify violators and dismantle premature light displays. “We want peaceful compliance,” the Mayor said. “But if we have to cut down a twelve-foot inflatable Santa with helicopter support, we will.”
Supporters say the measure will preserve Denham Springs’ character. Critics argue it represents government overreach, but council members shrugged. “Freedom is nice,” one noted, “but not when someone’s icicle lights are twinkling in September.”
