NEW ROADS, LA – Pointe Coupee Parish may have cracked the code on improving school attendance: lower the bar. Facing one of the worst truancy rates in Louisiana, officials are now floating a new rule that grants students “perfect attendance” status if they make it to class twice in a year.
“This is Louisiana,” one board member explained. “We know how to adjust expectations. You can’t fail if you redefine success.” Under the plan, any student who attends both the first day and one random day before May will walk away with a certificate, a courtesy cheer, and a free concession stand snack.
Parents cheered the proposal, seeing it as a fair compromise between education and their kids’ preferred pastime of not going. Teachers were less enthusiastic, noting that even with the new rule, it’s still unclear if anyone will actually hit the two-day target.
Administrators remain optimistic. “If we can get them here twice, we know we can build momentum,” said one. “And if not, at least the participation trophies are already ordered.”
