BATON ROUGE, LA – Baton Rouge drivers may soon face a new kind of checkpoint, after Governor Jeff Landry announced plans to mobilize 1,000 National Guard troops with orders to seize every Nissan Altima bearing Texas plates.
“Crime can wait. Hurricanes can wait. The people have demanded action, and we’re answering the call by getting these nuisances off the highway,” Landry said during Monday’s press conference. The governor did not specify when the Guard would deploy, only that the operation would begin “as soon as resources are in place.”
The mission, according to officials, is designed to curb what has become Baton Rouge’s most pressing safety concern: Nissan Altimas weaving across three lanes at 92 miles per hour with fraudulent Texas tags, at least one bald donut spare and a different colored body part. “It’s about restoring order,” a Guard spokesperson explained.
Preparations are already underway to secure impound lots across the city, which may double as training grounds for future cadets. Residents were told to expect “significant improvements in public safety” once the operation is launched.
“This isn’t just enforcement, it’s survival,” an official warned. “If we don’t get rid of the Altimas, the Chargers, and the Camaros, Baton Rouge will collapse under its own traffic. Consider this a military rescue mission for the whole city.”
