LIVINGSTON PARISH, LA – In a decisive move to protect Louisiana from the scourge of unregulated deer affection, wildlife agents stormed a rural home this week and seized the family’s beloved pet deer, Little Buck.
Officials say Little Buck, who had lived peacefully with the family for over a year, posed “an imminent threat to bureaucratic stability.” The agency cited concerns such as “possible exposure to hugs” and “risk of being fed carrots without a permit.”
After the raid, Little Buck was “humanely euthanized,” a term wildlife officials define as “swiftly relocated to the afterlife.”
“This isn’t about cruelty,” one agent insisted. “It’s about making sure folks with hundreds of acres know a deer roaming those same hundreds of acres poses a major problem. What exactly that problem is, we don’t yet know, but we’re investigating.”
Critics argue the state acted with unnecessary force, noting the deer’s most dangerous behavior was occasionally nibbling on shoelaces. But wildlife officials insist they acted in the public interest, and Little Buck is now in “a better place,” specifically, somewhere between the pepper jack deer sausage and the backstrap.
