NEW ORLEANS, LA – In an effort to embrace progressiveness and cut costs, Orleans Parish District Attorney Jason Williams has proposed allowing the five remaining jail escapees to finish serving their sentences remotely—via Zoom.
“Corrections should meet people where they are,” said one staffer. “In this case, that’s somewhere far from jail.”
The DA’s office described the plan as a “virtual reintegration pathway” that spares law enforcement the hassle of recapturing the inmates while still maintaining the illusion of accountability. Under the arrangement, escapees would be expected to log in for weekly sentencing check-ins, group therapy, and a short slideshow about consequences.
When asked what happens if an escapee doesn’t log in, the office clarified: “We assume they’re rehabilitated and mark them as completed.”
The Sheriff’s Office reportedly supports the idea, noting it would allow them to focus on more important things, like finding the funds to purchase new sheetrock to repair the damaged cell.
“We’re not excusing the escape,” Williams said. “We’re just offering a more comfortable sentencing experience—from the comfort of home, or wherever they end up.”
