LIVINGSTON, LA – In what officials are now calling a “containment effort,” the Livingston Parish Sheriff’s Office reportedly kept quiet about a boating DWI involving one of its highest-ranking deputies—not to protect the department’s image, but to shield the public from a far more disturbing revelation: the deputy was drinking Natural Light.
Major Paul Brignac, head of the department’s training division, was cited by state wildlife agents back in March while allegedly operating a boat under the influence. But the incident wasn’t disclosed publicly until nearly two months later, raising questions about transparency, accountability, and beer judgment.
“Look, everyone makes mistakes,” said one sheriff’s office spokesperson. “But when we found out he was pounding Natty Lights on the Amite River like a college sophomore with child support payments, we knew we had another potential Dennis Perkins level crisis on our hands.”
Sources say the deputy’s boat was “littered with empty cans, no ice, and one crushed bag of gas station pork rinds.” The department swiftly enacted its seldom-invoked internal crisis response—known informally as the Perkins Protocol—where all involved agree to deny everything until the story dies or someone else gets arrested.
When pressed on why there was no arrest or mugshot, officials said the real punishment was “being seen on the water with that beer.”
