BATON ROUGE, La. – In the first phase of what he’s calling a “common-sense approach” to lowering Louisiana’s sky-high auto insurance rates, Governor Jeff Landry announced a plan to reduce the number of Nissan Altimas operating on state and local roads.
Standing beside prominent personal injury attorney Gordon McKernan, Landry dismissed criticism of the legal industry’s role in rising premiums. “This isn’t about lawyers,” he said. “It’s about Altimas. And the reckless culture surrounding them.”
McKernan, who has faced scrutiny for encouraging accident-related lawsuits, applauded the plan. “For years people have blamed attorneys like me and singer E. Eric Guirard for elevated premiums. But the real culprits are these Altimas with two bald spare tires, 13 strawberry air fresheners hanging from the mirror, and 4 mismatched body parts doing 95 in a construction zone with the smell of weed in their wake.”
Altima drivers will be “strongly encouraged” to trade in their vehicles for something “less lawsuit-prone,” like a beige Buick, late 90s Toyota Corolla, or one of those Scion XBs that all the teenaged girls used to drive.
Landry hinted that future steps could involve restricting Altima drivers to operating during daylight hours only.
Experts predict the new policy will either lower premiums, spark lawsuits, or simply annoy Altima owners—which, for now, is good enough.
