LIVINGSTON PARISH, La. – As Kid Rock prepares to bring his patriotic chaos to the “Rock the Country” festival this weekend, fashion experts are already seeing a massive surge in jorts sales.

“We’re tracking what we call a ‘denim shorts migration,’” said Dr. Darryl Fontenot, a sociologist at Southeastern Louisiana University. “When Kid Rock enters a rural zone, jorts sales rise 300%, and so do flag bandanas and shirts with bald eagles screaming at fireworks.”

Local Dollar Generals reportedly tripled their jorts inventory, with one manager noting, “We’re even stocking camo jorts for formal wear.”

Barbers are also prepping for demand, with several offering half-off mullet touch-ups the week of the show. The sheriff’s office has issued a fashion advisory, urging attendees to hydrate and “limit exposed thighs to 45% per person.”

Economists call it “a stimulus package for the lower half of America.” Kid Rock calls it “Friday.”