In a stunning display of economic activism, Rev. Al Sharpton has masterminded a boycott so powerful that it’s boosting the very corporations he aimed to punish. By advising supporters to stock up on essentials before the protest, Sharpton has inadvertently triggered a shopping frenzy, with major retailers raking in profits ahead of the planned spending freeze.

“We need to send a message,” Sharpton declared. “But make sure you stock up on everything first—groceries, clothes, maybe even a new TV—because we’re not spending a dime on boycott day!”

Retailers, initially concerned about the protest, quickly pivoted by launching “Sharpton Pre-Boycott Deals,” featuring discounts on everything from organic produce to flat-screen TVs.

“Best protest ever,” said one Target executive, noting that sales skyrocketed ahead of the boycott.

Meanwhile, economic experts remain puzzled. “The goal of a boycott is to hurt corporations financially,” said one analyst. “This is like protesting weight gain by eating an entire cake the night before.”