Senator Duplessis Declares Crisis After State Left with Only 98.5% of Its National Guard
Senator Royce Duplessis has declared Louisiana “in crisis” after Governor Landry sent 135 Guardsmen to D.C. leaving only 98.5% of the Guard at home. Critics say Duplessis may be the first politician in history to treat basic math as a natural disaster.
Landry Sends Troops to D.C., Because New Orleans Clearly Has Things Under Control
Governor Jeff Landry deployed the Louisiana National Guard to Washington, D.C., leaving New Orleans residents wondering why the “murder capital of America” didn’t get the help first. Locals joked the Guard might only show up in the city if they got lost on the way home.
Landry: DMV Excited to Replace Old Confusing Process With New, Sleeker Confusing Process
Governor Jeff Landry says Louisiana’s new OMV software will “revolutionize” the DMV experience by replacing the old confusing system with a modern, equally confusing one only sleeker and in high definition.
Landry Names Head of Office of Highway Construction, Start Date TBD After 15 Year Feasibility Study
Governor Landry has named a director for Louisiana’s new Office of Highway Construction, but the job won’t start until at least 2040, pending an 11-year feasibility study on whether the office should exist at all.
Landry Removes Dead People from Welfare Rolls, Inadvertently Wipes Out a Third of Democratic Voters
Governor Jeff Landry’s push to purge the dead from Louisiana’s welfare rolls has sparked unintended political fallout—namely, the accidental removal of one of the state’s most loyal Democratic voting blocs: the deceased.
‘I’ll Sign Any Insurance Bill,’ Says Governor Who Immediately Doesn’t
Louisiana’s governor promised to sign “any” insurance bill—then vetoed the first one that reached him. Homeowners are left with high premiums and higher blood pressure.
LSU Board Unanimously Selects Dr. Geoffry Landreau as New President
LSU’s newly appointed president, Dr. Geoffry Landreau, has announced a bold new vision: energy firm partnerships, a Buc-ee’s on campus, and a Trump statue—because nothing says higher education like brisket, branding, and oil diplomacy.
State Celebrates 50 Years of Monitoring Capitol Lake Toxicity by Adding a New Sign
After decades of toxic buildup and government foot-dragging, Louisiana finally acknowledged Capitol Lakes with something tangible: a new sign that warns residents the water is dangerous—just in a more “official” font.
Governor Landry Thanks Giacometto for Turning DEQ into a Case Study on Employee Turnover
In a uniquely optimistic spin, Governor Landry praised Giacometto’s legacy of mass resignations at DEQ, calling it “streamlined workforce development” and noting she left behind “a more breathable office and several thousand unread emails.”
Louisiana Governor to Slash Insurance Rates by Switching Entire State to Liability Only
In an effort to fix Louisiana’s insurance crisis without actually fixing anything, Governor Jeff Landry announced a statewide shift to liability-only coverage. Residents will now enjoy the peace of mind that comes from knowing they’re not covered, but at least it’s cheaper.
Landry Begins Insurance Overhaul with Task Force to Study Why Nothing Ever Gets Overhauled
A 17-member committee has been formed to investigate why insurance reform never happens. Naturally, the first step is hiring consultants to explain why previous consultants were ineffective.
Louisiana Legislature Promises Action This Session, Just Not the Kind That Helps Anyone
The 2025 Louisiana legislative session opened with a promise of action—mostly involving commemorative license plates, symbolic bills, and a remarkable refusal to address anything remotely useful for the average taxpayer.
Morris Bart Questions High Insurance Rates While Standing on Literal Pile of Settlement Checks
Morris Bart took to social media to speak about high insurance rates—while standing on a pile of checks tall enough to qualify as a traffic hazard. Some say irony isn’t dead, it’s just very well compensated.
Landry’s Insurance Reform Plan Starts With Reducing the Number of Altimas on the Road
After years of blaming trial lawyers for Louisiana’s outrageous insurance rates, Governor Landry is now targeting Nissan Altimas, citing their “cultural impact on collisions” in a plan backed by Gordon McKernan.
Louisiana Unveils New Insurance Strategy: Just Keep Talking About It Until Voters Die
Louisiana officials unveiled their newest plan to address skyrocketing insurance: talk about it in endless loops until voters either forget, move away, or die trying to afford their auto premiums.
Governor Landry Frees Oil Companies from ‘Unnecessary Burden’ of Saving Louisiana’s Coastline
“If God didn’t want us to drill next to pelicans, He wouldn’t have put them so close to the rigs,” Governor Landry said, moments before a wave swallowed half the podium. Lobbyists applauded the bold leadership.
Landry Freezes Hiring, Tells Agencies to “Just Google How to Do Everything”
In a move sure to confuse both bureaucrats and IT departments, Jeff Landry has partnered with Google—well, used Google—to slash hiring costs. Staff are now told to “just search it” when facing emergencies.
Jeff Landry Finalizes Plan with Insurance Commissioner to Bring Reduced Premiums to Millions
Governor Jeff Landry just announced a sweeping deal to lower insurance premiums across Louisiana—just days after his amendments got shellacked at the polls. Could this finally be the win voters have waited 30 years for?
Landry Introduces Facebook Post-Inspired Bill Entitled: “We Will Literally Vote for Anything That Reduces Insurance Premiums”
After voters rejected all four amendments with the enthusiasm of a cat rejecting bathwater, Governor Landry turned to the people’s true voice: Facebook comments. His new bill promises one thing—lower insurance. Literally, that’s it.
‘No Crawfish is Illegal’: Group Demands Amnesty for Imported Crawfish in Louisiana
After a vendor was caught selling imported crawfish, activists are demanding sanctuary pots and crawfish amnesty. Governor Landry is cracking down with “Crawfish Patrol Units.” You’ll never look at a boil the same way again.
Gov. Landry Declares State of Emergency After Discovering LA DMV Still Running on Windows 95
After a catastrophic OMV system crash halted basic services statewide, Gov. Landry took action—by declaring a state of emergency and vowing to upgrade to Windows XP… in just one more year.
Jeff Landry Wants Remote Workers Back in the Office—Because Nothing Boosts Productivity Like Baton Rouge Gridlock
Gov. Jeff Landry has declared war on remote work, forcing thousands of state employees back into Louisiana’s soul-crushing traffic. Because nothing says “efficiency” like a two-hour commute on cratered highways.
Governor Declares ‘No Corruption Month’ to Give Politicians a Break from Bribery Investigations
BATON ROUGE, La. – In a groundbreaking move to boost morale among Louisiana’s elected officials, Governor Jeff Landry has declared April as No Corruption Month, a period during which all bribery, embezzlement, and ethics investigations will be put on hold. “We recognize that our public servants work tirelessly,” Landry stated. “It’s only fair they get […]
Gov. Landry Makes Crawfish Tax Exempt, Doubles Taxes on Vegan Food—Offers Protesters a Crawfish Boil
Gov. Jeff Landry’s latest proposal eliminates taxes on crawfish while doubling them on vegan food, sparking outrage and a protest. To soothe tensions, he’s hosting a crawfish boil—right outside the protest.
Governor Mandates Live Beavers at Every Louisiana Buc-ee’s, Citing Lifelong Love for Them
Governor Jeff Landry has mandated a live beaver at every Buc-ee’s in Louisiana, citing his deep, lifelong passion for beavers—one that started in college and only grew stronger.
Governor Landry Accidentally Catches Beads at Spanish Town Parade, Declares It ‘An Attempted Bribery’
Governor Jeff Landry caught beads at the Spanish Town Parade—then declared it a bribery attempt by The Sadvocate. He’s now pushing to ban “unapproved bead distribution” at public events.
Landry to Require Buc-ee’s in Lafayette to Play Trump Speeches at Gas Pumps
Louisiana’s newest Buc-ee’s won’t just offer oversized snacks and clean restrooms—it’ll now serve up 24/7 Trump speeches, thanks to Gov. Jeff Landry. Customers filling up on gas will hear classics like “We’re winning so much, you’ll get tired of winning.”
Governor Jeff Landry Issues Executive Order Banning James Carville from Wearing LSU Gear on TV
Governor Jeff Landry has issued an executive order banning James Carville from wearing LSU gear on TV until he “stops acting insane.” Officials say Carville must prove he can do one interview without a meltdown before the ban is lifted.
Governor Landry Orders All State Buildings to Fly ‘Don’t Tread on Me’ Flags
Governor Jeff Landry has ordered all Louisiana government buildings to replace the state flag with the Gadsden flag, better known as the “Don’t Tread on Me” banner, calling it a “tribute to real American values.”
McKernan Splits Cost of Landry’s Jet, Gets Exclusive Rights to Aerial Advertising
Governor Jeff Landry’s new $5.5 million jet won’t just fly officials—it’ll advertise Gordon McKernan. The attorney agreed to cover half the cost in exchange for prime fuselage ad space. Critics call it absurd, but McKernan insists it’s public safety. “With all these plane crashes lately, I realized my billboards weren’t reaching people where they needed me most—the sky.” Meanwhile, rival E. Eric Guirard rejected a snack coordinator role, only to settle for changing batteries in airport marshalling wands.