BATON ROUGE, LA – Shortly after highly regarded California pitcher Logan Schmidt committed to LSU over professional baseball and junior college, the university announced it had assigned him a Cajun host family to help with what officials described as his “far more challenging transition to Louisiana.”
According to the program, Schmidt’s first week will include eating a half-pound of Best Stop boudin without asking to see the nutrition facts, learning to peel crawfish, and surviving a 20-minute walk across campus in August without mentioning the humidity.
Additional coursework includes correctly pronouncing Atchafalaya, Tchoupitoulas and Natchitoches, while learning that “I’ll be there in five minutes” is not considered a legally binding estimate in Baton Rouge.
Program coordinators said Schmidt’s orientation won’t be complete until he’s driven from Grosse Tete to Baton Rouge at 4:00 PM without committing any acts of road rage, accepted that gas stations have some of the best food in the state, and stopped asking why everyone owns an ice chest.
At the conclusion of the program, Schmidt is expected to receive an honorary Louisiana citizenship certificate, a pound of cracklins, and permission to complain about Baton Rouge traffic like a lifelong resident.
