NUUK, GL – Governor Jeff Landry announced late Monday that all organized football games in Greenland will now be required to feature live polar bears on the sidelines, calling the move “an important step in establishing real football culture.”
According to Landry, the decision was inspired by what he described as “successful atmosphere-enhancement strategies” used at an LSU football game last year.
“You can’t just play football,” Landry said. “You have to feel football. The animals, the intimidation, the sense that something devastating could go wrong at any moment, that’s how traditions are born.”
The mandate reportedly requires at least one adult polar bear per game, positioned behind the home team bench. Handlers will be optional during warmups but “strongly encouraged” during gameplay.
Landry said concerns about safety were “overblown,” noting that polar bears are “already from there” and therefore “basically part of the community.”
Greenland officials were reportedly unaware they had football traditions until Landry explained that traditions could be installed retroactively with the right leaders in charge.
President Donald Trump praised the move in a brief statement, calling Landry “a strong governor, very strong, one of the strongest,” and said Greenland was “very lucky, believe me, to finally be doing things right.” Trump added that between the live polar bears and the “Tony Cha-SHARE-ee” seasoning plant coming to Nuuk, Landry was “moving fast, faster than anyone thought possible,” and had turned Greenland into “basically Louisiana, only colder, much colder, but with tremendous flavor and incredible potential.”
