NUUK, GL – Wasting no time with his mission in the Arctic, Jeff Landry signed his first Greenland-related executive order this week, authorizing the immediate construction of a Tony Chachere’s seasoning plant in Greenland’s capital city of Nuuk.
According to the order, the facility will ensure Greenlanders “no longer have to live in a culinary environment where salt is considered aggressive.” Landry reportedly reached the decision after sitting through his first official lunch where the most adventurous spice offered was described as “pepper-like.”
“Greenland has ice, fish, and a strong work ethic,” Landry said. “What it doesn’t have is any idea what ‘make it slap’ means. That’s a humanitarian issue.”
The proposed plant will focus on cold-weather seasoning applications, including a snow-resistant creole blend, an arctic-strength variant, and a special low-sodium mix designed for people who think ketchup is spicy. Early projections estimate the plant could double Greenland’s annual seasoning usage within weeks.
Local officials appeared cautiously optimistic, noting the factory would be the first industrial operation in Nuuk dedicated entirely to making food “taste like it’s from somewhere.”
Landry later confirmed the executive order includes cultural training, where Greenlandic chefs will be shown how to season food without apologizing first, calling it “a critical step toward global flavor equity.”
