BATON ROUGE, LA – Facing a November ballot packed with hundreds of races, amendments and every Louisiana resident who owns a campaign sign, the Secretary of State has contracted CVS to handle printing.
“CVS is the only organization capable of producing something this long,” an election official said while unrolling a prototype across the State Archives parking lot. “Our machines ran out of paper around justice of the peace. CVS still had enough room for coupons.”
The average ballot is expected to measure 38 feet. Voters are encouraged to bring water, reading glasses and a relative willing to hold the loose end.
Each ballot will include congressional races, judgeships, municipal offices and $4 in ExtraBucks. Unopposed candidates will appear beside the message, “YOU SAVED: DEMOCRACY.”
Officials stressed that a buy-one-get-one-free offer on district judges does not constitute an endorsement. Likewise, 30 percent off incumbents requires a qualifying purchase.
Polls close at 8 p.m., or whenever the final voter reaches the coupons. Runoff ballots will include a complimentary pharmacy consultation afterward.
