BATON ROUGE, LA – The Louisiana Ethics Board has once again proved its dedication to performative accountability by fining Congressman Cleo Fields $2,500 for failing to file a campaign finance report from an election old enough to qualify for its own midlife crisis. The fine, now officially added to the state’s $2.7 million mountain of similarly ignored penalties, was celebrated internally as “another strong step toward theoretical accountability.”
Fields, whose relationship with campaign paperwork has always been more “casual acquaintance” than “legal obligation,” asked for a waiver that the Board swiftly denied. Officials reportedly wanted to send a message, though sources say the message was mostly, “We still exist.” After issuing the fine, staff added it to their ever growing ledger of unpaid items that date back to the Edwin Edwards administration.
Observers note that the Board’s real skill isn’t enforcement but consistency, maintaining a flawless 0% collection rate across decades, multiple administrations, and a breathtaking variety of ethical violations. “They’re the gold standard in alleged punishment,” one analyst said, praising the Board for “holding people accountable in theory.” Despite this impeccable record of achieving an astonishing 0% collection rate, the Chair of the Ethics Board has reportedly assured the Governor he will double that next year, a promise that some say is consistent with Louisiana governance.
At this rate, analysts say the Ethics Board may eventually consider the radical step of asking someone to actually pay a fine, though the agency has stressed it doesn’t want to move too fast or alarm anyone.
