BATON ROUGE, LA – Ole Miss head coach Lane Kiffin was reportedly “deeply rattled” this morning after his private jet, stolen overnight from Baton Rouge Metropolitan Airport, was recovered on cinder blocks, partially stripped at the Siegen Lane Target.
Authorities described the recovery scene as “less aviation incident, more 2006 Altima with Texas plates and at least 2 bald spares on one side incident.” One EBRSO Deputy said the thieves stripped the aircraft “with an efficiency that suggests they’ve done this before,” adding that they also sprayed “hotty toddy lol” on the nose. Investigators have not confirmed whether this was a targeted incident or just Siegen Lane being Siegen Lane.
Witnesses claim the plane sat unnoticed for hours, blending in with several abandoned shopping carts that naturally accumulate in the area. “Honestly, nothing looked out of the ordinary when I first saw it,” said one shopper walking out of Target.
Sources close to the LSU coaching search say Kiffin, who was expected to be a serious contender, began “reassessing everything” once photos emerged of his multimillion-dollar aircraft resting helplessly on cinder blocks. “I knew Baton Rouge was passionate,” he told The Sadvocate this morning,“ but I didn’t know I’d need to keep a spare jet handy if I flew in for a visit.”
LSU officials attempted to downplay the incident, assuring reporters they were “taking steps” to improve the area’s appeal to coaching candidates, namely by asking residents to “please not steal and strip any more aircraft until after the search concludes.”
Kiffin said he’ll revisit the LSU job once he’s confident his next plane will leave Baton Rouge with the same number of wheels and engines it arrived with.
