DENHAM SPRINGS, LA – A Denham Springs City Council meeting took an unexpected turn this week after officials dusted off an old ordinance from 1912 that strictly prohibits “any church within city limits from selling meat of any kind.”
Unfortunately for the Church’s Chicken on Range Avenue, council members say the law technically applies to them. “The sign clearly says ‘Church’s,’” one official explained. “And according to our records, churches aren’t allowed to sell any meat, including drumsticks or thighs. That’s just the law.”
The revelation has sparked confusion among residents, many of whom pointed out that Church’s has been operating in the city for decades without incident. Still, city leaders insist the century-old rule is ironclad. “We’re not here to debate history,” the city attorney said, while snacking on a dark meat 3 piece special with fries. “We’re here to enforce it, even if it makes absolutely no sense.”
Facing the potential loss of its business license, Church’s has offered to rebrand temporarily as ‘Non-Denominational Fried Chicken’ until the ordinance can be clarified or until they manage to donate enough free family buckets and biscuits to the entire council to reconsider their position.
Church’s management told The Sadvocate they’d comply with city rules, but warned the Denham Springs council that outlawing fried chicken is the kind of thing that starts revolutions in small, southern towns.
