BATON ROUGE, LA – Baton Rouge leaders unveiled their latest solution to the city’s truancy problem this week: a revolutionary concept called “Parenting,” though sources say it will be enforced under the much more progressive sounding title of “curfew.”
The initiative, according to city officials, is designed to make sure kids who already don’t go to school also don’t go anywhere else after dark. “It’s time to hold these children accountable for not being accountable,” one councilmember explained, before admitting the idea was basically just grounding your kid, but with the option of police backup.
Critics say the program does little to improve education, but officials insist that if teenagers are locked indoors at night, they’ll somehow start showing up to algebra in the morning. “We believe staying home is the first step to going to school,” another leader clarified, drawing nods from colleagues who hadn’t thought it through either.
When asked if the school board had considered actually investing in teachers, classrooms, or resources, leaders chuckled, explaining that enforcing bedtime was far cheaper than fixing the school system.
