NEW ORLEANS, La. – After a 21–61 season marked by injuries, confusion, and a roster that seemed to have the collective willpower of a damp towel, the New Orleans Pelicans have officially parted ways with General Manager David Griffin.

Sources say Griffin was let go after it was discovered the team had broken an unspoken NBA record: most games spent metaphorically—and occasionally literally—in the fetal position.

“We’re proud of our emotional vulnerability,” Griffin said in a farewell press conference. “But I understand the league is shifting toward physical toughness and, you know… winning.”

The Pelicans’ final post-game huddle reportedly resembled a group therapy session, complete with mood lighting and a conch shell for speaking turns.

Ownership says they are now searching for a GM who understands the sport of basketball, basic anatomy, and how to build a team that occasionally stands upright.

Griffin has been offered a front office role with the New Orleans Saints, where expectations are even lower.