BATON ROUGE, LA – Two barges ran aground near LSU early Monday morning after what witnesses are calling “an evasive maneuver worthy of a Jason Bourne movie.”
According to multiple onlookers, the lead barge was traveling on the Mississippi when a stray bullet, believed to originate somewhere near River Road, whizzed overhead. Startled, the captain reportedly jerked the wheel in a desperate attempt to dodge the projectile, beaching both barges onto the muddy riverbank near Skip Bertman Drive.
Officials say while the bullet missed the barge, it did successfully strike a “Welcome to Baton Rouge” sign, narrowly missing a second bullet already lodged there from earlier in the week.
“We train for weather, we train for currents,” said one deckhand. “But nobody trains you for dodging gunfire mid-river.”
In a final indignity, crew members reported they were immediately robbed by two men on bicycles as soon as they stepped onto the levee.
City leaders assured the public they are “reviewing safety measures,” including possible bulletproofing future river vessels or issuing barges honorary Baton Rouge police escorts.
