EBR School Superintendent Announces Realignment Plan: ‘Fewer Schools, Same Problems’
The East Baton Rouge School Board has officially voted to consolidate campuses in a move they claim will solve financial issues — while leaving academic and disciplinary problems delightfully untouched. Officials promise “fewer schools, same headaches” by the start of the next school year.
Amazon Employees Demand Hazard Pay After Discovering Warehouse Built on Former Cortana Mall Site
Workers at a Baton Rouge Amazon warehouse are demanding hazard pay after discovering the facility sits on the ruins of Cortana Mall, where the ghost of Space Port arcade allegedly still lingers.
LA Governor’s Mansion to Be Rebuilt in Mississippi After Insurance Renewal Hits All-Time High
Louisiana officials confirmed plans to relocate the Governor’s Mansion to Woodville, Mississippi, citing skyrocketing insurance costs and a flood risk so high it required evacuation drills. A spokesperson said the move was necessary to avoid “financial ruin,” adding that Woodville offers better drainage — and easier access to Illusions, the town’s lone gentleman’s club.
Louisiana Lawmakers Celebrate Balloon Ban Failure with Balloon Release at Capitol
In a scene that felt more satire than ceremony, Louisiana lawmakers gathered in front of the Capitol to release dozens of balloons into the sky—celebrating the defeat of a proposed ban on balloon releases. Environmentalists wept. Legislators cheered. And somewhere, a turtle silently cursed the airspace above.
Gordon McKernan Launches Children’s Book Series to Skirt Potential Advertising Limit
Baton Rouge’s favorite billboard lawyer isn’t letting a little thing like an advertising crackdown slow him down. Gordon McKernan’s new children’s book series aims to teach kids the one thing school won’t: who to call when disaster strikes the jungle gym.