NEW ORLEANS, La. – The Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) arrived in New Orleans this week to conduct a long-overdue audit of the city’s finances. However, before their investigation could even begin, their government-issued vehicle was swiftly carjacked by a group of teenagers—one of whom called the car a “broke-boy” ride after finding the car didn’t have ventilated seats.
Authorities assured the DOGE officials that the city takes carjackings “very seriously,” citing their new initiative where offenders receive a firm talking-to before being released back onto the streets. Unfortunately, with no transportation, DOGE was forced to cancel their audit, concluding that “New Orleans’ inefficiency speaks for itself.”
Mayor Cantrell, speaking about the incident, shrugged it off, saying, “Man, it ain’t even that serious. Just kids out here doin’ what they do! Y’all stay hatin’ on the city.” She added that if, by some rare chance, the carjackers were actually caught, she’d be front row at their trial to show her support.
At press time, DOGE officials, now stranded, were last seen attempting to summon an Uber—only to realize their driver had also been carjacked en route.
