BATON ROUGE, La. – In a groundbreaking fusion of politics and personal injury law, Governor Jeff Landry’s newly acquired $5.5 million jet will now double as an airborne billboard for local attorney Gordon McKernan.
The Baton Rouge-based attorney, known for his abundance of billboards throughout South Louisiana—and God only knows where else—has agreed to cover half the jet’s cost after several left-wing reporters expressed their dismay over the admittedly high price tag. The deal comes with one specific condition: McKernan gets to place an advertisement on the side of the aircraft.
While critics slam the governor for entering such a ludicrous contract, McKernan defended the move, citing recent aviation mishaps as the motivation behind his airborne advertising. “With all these plane crashes lately, I realized my billboards weren’t reaching people where they needed me most—the sky. Now, whether they’re in turbulence or a full-blown nosedive, they’ll know Gordon Gets It Done,” McKernan told The Sadvocate.
McKernan initially offered E. Eric Guirard a prestigious role as the plane’s in-flight snack coordinator, but Guirard turned it down, calling it “beneath his legacy.” Days later, he accepted a position as the guy who changes the battery in those fancy flashlights with the orange cones used by marshallers.
The plane should wrapped and ready for flight in early March, just in time for Landry’s 19th trip to Mar-A-Lago to meet with the president.
