BATON ROUGE, La. – The Louisiana Department of Transportation and Development is planning a massive festival dubbed Study Fête to recognize the upcoming 30th anniversary of their ongoing Mississippi River Bridge study project, which will soon reach a staggering $150 million in expenses. The latest study, titled “Whether or Not the New Bridge Should Have Lanes for Cars,” is being hailed as a groundbreaking revelation in transportation innovation.
“We just want to make sure we get every detail right,” said Director of Communications Rodney Mallett. “The car lane question is critical to the success of this bridge. People need to drive on it, right?”
Study Fête promises to be a spectacle, featuring a crawfish boiling contest, dozens of vendor booths and rides for kids of all ages.
Festival-goers can also compete in the Lane Design Challenge, sketching out their best lane ideas on a whiteboard. Prizes include stacks of ‘Feasibility Study’ reports printed on gold-laced paper and one of 200 gold-plated traffic cones leftover from the going-away party for former director Shawn Wilson.
The first 1,000 people through the gate will each receive a commemorative limited-edition hard hat, purchased from the now-defunct Bel-Edwards Hardhat Company of Tangipahoa Parish. These exclusive hard hats were bought at the unbelievably cheap price of $1,399.00 each, just before the company unexpectedly closed its doors on October 14th, 2023, the same day Jeff Landry was elected to office.
As for the date and time of the festival, Mallett said it has yet to be decided. “We’re still in the study phase for the perfect location to have this thing,” said Mallett. “Once we lock in the right location, we’ll send out invitations. We’re aiming for sometime late in 2030, or thereabouts.”
