DOTD Delays New Mississippi Bridge 10 More Years, Orders a Dozen $19M Earthquake Studies
DOTD announced a dozen $19 million studies on earthquake effects after tremors rattled north Louisiana, pushing the long-promised Mississippi River bridge further into what officials call an “extended study phase.”
Lawmakers Kick Off Legislative Session With Plan to Lower Insurance Rates by Encouraging Fewer Claims
Several lawmakers say the root cause of high premiums is residents using the insurance policies they pay for, suggesting the simplest fix may be encouraging people to file fewer claims altogether.
Sen. Rick Edmonds Volunteers to Inspect Cuban Cigars in Havana for Louisiana Economic Partnership
Louisiana Sen. Rick Edmonds says he’s ready to help rebuild Cuba’s economy by inspecting cigars in Havana, a responsibility he admits may require a full weekend of careful evaluation.
Cassidy Calls for Debate, Says It’s Only Fair Voters Hear From Him Before Voting Against Him Again
Cassidy’s campaign confirmed the debate format will include opening statements, policy discussion, and a special segment where the senator walks voters through his impeachment vote using a whiteboard and several color-coded markers.
Jeff Landry Announces New Earthquake Response Office, Staffed With 14 Friends From Campaign
After a rare earthquake shook northwest Louisiana, Governor Jeff Landry announced a brand new state agency to address future tremors, immediately staffing the office with 14 trusted allies from his recent campaign.
Louisiana Senator Proposes Fixing Child Services By Moving It 300 Feet Down the Hall
Lawmakers say relocating child services 300 feet down the hall will usher in a new era of accountability, thanks to updated signage and a different department name.
LSU Anti-War Protest Ends After Parents Show Up and Ground Several Participants
Heated geopolitical debate dissolved into questions about GPA requirements, laundry responsibilities, and who forgot to take the trash out before attempting regime change.
Central Announces Pay-Per-View Cage Fight Between Mayor and Police Chief Over Budget Dispute
Central residents won’t need another town hall meeting. City leaders have officially decided to settle their police budget dispute the old-fashioned way, inside a cage.
LSU to Post Ten Commandments In Classrooms, Seeks Football Season Exemption From Taking The Lord’s Name In Vain
As LSU prepares to post the Ten Commandments in classrooms under the new state mandate, officials quietly requested a football-season exemption from “Thou Shalt Not Take The Lord’s Name In Vain.”
Jeff Landry Demands LSU Men’s Basketball Coach Register as a Liability With the State
After another LSU loss, Governor Jeff Landry has unveiled a new defensive strategy, state registration. The head coach may soon require official paperwork before drawing up another play.
Tiger Stadium Connectivity Upgrade Will Allow 100,000 Fans To Post “How Much Is The Buyout?” Simultaneously
Engineers confirmed the $45 million connectivity upgrade was specifically engineered to handle simultaneous uploads of blurry targeting replays, emotional coaching buyouts, and urgent chants of “Play Neck” in high definition.
Rep. Sylvia Taylor Calls For Common Sense Mardi Gras Bead Throwing Reform After Years of Inaction
After years of legislative inaction, one lawmaker is calling for common sense Mardi Gras reform, including high-capacity bead throwing restrictions and parade throw loophole closures.
City-Parish Unveils “BROOME Initiative” After Fifth Indictment Tied to Former Administration
After the fifth indictment tied to the previous administration, City-Parish unveils the “Baton Rouge Oversight of Official Misconduct & Ethics” (BROOME) Initiative, a structured program designed to bring organization to an increasingly familiar pattern.
Legislature Promises to Protect Budget Stability by Creating 14 New Committees to Study It
Louisiana finally finds budget stability, immediately places it under investigation. Fourteen committees now studying whether calm financial conditions pose a threat to long-standing traditions.
Council on Aging Says “Yes” Vote Offers More Economic Certainty Than Your Grandmother’s Will
Council on Aging leaders say tax revenue is simply more predictable than relying on your grandmother’s will. Voters are encouraged to choose stability over inheritance uncertainty at the ballot box.
Central City Leaders Enter Third Week of Debate Over Comma Placement in Audit
Central leaders have now spent three weeks debating a comma in an audit report, proving once again that punctuation may be the city’s most controversial infrastructure issue.
LSU Offers Students Parking Fine Consolidation Loans With Competitive 9.8% APR
LSU students can now refinance their Starbucks parking tickets into a long-term loan, because nothing says higher education like 20 years of interest on a latte run.
State Assures Public Pecue Overpass is “Exactly Like A Regular Intersection, But Wrong”
The state wants everyone to relax about Pecue. It is not wrong. It just feels wrong. Very professionally and efficiently wrong.
State Auditor Urges EBR Council To Limit Future Theft To Library’s $140 Million, “They Won’t Even Notice”
The auditor allegedly advised council members to concentrate any future theft inside the library system, noting its $140 million reserve “won’t even notice” a few strategic withdrawals.
NOPD Confirms Shia LaBeouf’s Behavior “Indistinguishable From Average Mardi Gras Tourist”
Turns out you can blend into Bourbon Street all night, but the second you start giving performance notes to a brass band, someone’s calling NOPD.
NOPD Suggests Tourists Try Not Looking So “Phone-Having” While Walking Bourbon Street
NOPD has a simple tip for Carnival visitors this year: enjoy Mardi Gras, just try not to look aggressively “phone-having” in the middle of Bourbon Street.
Television Network Greenlights Daytime Drama Series After Following Louisiana Politics for Three Months
Louisiana politics officially has its own daytime drama. After one too many flip-flops in House and Senate races, a writer teamed up with The Sadvocate to turn the chaos into a full-fledged soap opera.
Metro Council to Offer BRPD Honorary Council Seats, Allowing Officers to Continue Working If Charged Criminally
In an effort to address the police shortage, Metro Council members are considering granting BRPD officers honorary council seats so indictments no longer automatically sideline them from duty.
Kim Mulkey Offers To Lend Three Players To LSU Men’s Team After Latest Loss
After being clobbered again, LSU men’s basketball may be getting unexpected help from across campus. Kim Mulkey reportedly has a few volunteers ready to demonstrate how defense works.
Louisiana Introduces Felony Speeding, Finally Giving Nissan Altimas a Criminal Record
Louisiana lawmakers want to make extreme speeding a felony after years of watching Altimas treat I-10 like a personal obstacle course with no rules.
Bill Cassidy Achieves Bipartisanship by Getting Both Parties to Agree He Shouldn’t Run Again
Bipartisanship is back in style, just not the way anyone expected. Bill Cassidy has finally united the left and right around one simple request.
EBR School System Audit Reveals $300K Check Cashed by “Someone Who Seemed Legit at the Time”
The district stated it is reviewing internal controls and considering additional safeguards, including additional training, clearer policies, and a policy prohibiting the cashing of altered $300,000 checks.
Officials Say Second St. George Area High School Was Always the Plan, Just Conveniently Announced Several Decades Late
After 40 years and one high school for an entire city-sized population, officials say the long-promised second campus was always coming, just not before people noticed.
Driver Who Took Out Power Pole Named Super Bowl MVP by Thousands Who Missed the Game in Baton Rouge
BATON ROUGE, LA – In a city where football is treated as a civic duty, thousands of South Baton Rouge residents agreed Monday night that the most dominant performance of Super Bowl Sunday came not from the field, but from the driver who slammed into a power pole on Highland Road and knocked out electricity […]
ICE Demonstrators Inadvertently Enter 2nd Day of Protest After Getting Stuck in College Drive Traffic
ICE protesters say their rally accidentally entered a second day after College Drive traffic made leaving impossible, proving once again that nothing disrupts this road, not even organized activism.