Brian Kelly Files Infringement Suit Against LSU for Using His Trademarked “Up the Middle on 3rd and Long” Play
Kelly insists LSU owes him royalties for running his “intellectual property of incompetence,” describing the 3rd-and-long quarterback draw as “a masterpiece of confusion and regret.”
LSU’s Offensive Playbook Discovered to Be Just One Page That Says “Screen Pass”
LSU fans were shocked to learn that the team’s offensive playbook consists of a single laminated page reading “Screen Pass.” Officials are calling it a “historic artifact” that continues to ensure predictability.
Saints to Start “Most Powerful Woman in Sports” as Quarterback for Upcoming Matchup Against the Panthers
Saints owner Gayle Benson, recently dubbed the “Most Powerful Woman in Sports,” is stepping in as quarterback for this week’s matchup against the Panthers.
Fire Marshal Declares Clemson Cannon Safe for Indoor Use at Kid’s Birthday Parties
Clemson’s “touchdown cannon” has officially been certified safe for indoor birthday parties after fire marshals declared it no louder than a balloon pop. The device, mocked by rival fans, is now being marketed as both a stadium tradition and a children’s party accessory.