ST GEORGE, LA – After years of mounting complaints, public meetings, and endless amounts of major crashes at the intersection of Nicholson Drive and University Club, the Louisiana Department of Transportation and Development announced Monday it will finally take action… by launching a series of studies aimed at stopping residents from asking for a traffic light.
According to DOTD officials, the new $1.4 million “Community Question Mitigation Initiative” will analyze “why U-Club residents continually request a traffic light there” and explore “innovative ways to redirect their energy toward anything else.”
A spokesperson said the department is “sympathetic to neighborhood concerns,” but that repeated requests for safety measures have caused “unnecessary stress to engineers who already know what’s best for everyone.”
Early solutions under review include installing a “Good Luck” sign at the intersection or simply rerouting residents’ complaints directly to a spam folder.
When asked if a traffic light might still be considered, DOTD replied that such talk was “dangerously close to progress” and would need its own separate 18-month study.
Officials confirmed the next step will be contracting a 3rd party agency to issue a series of press releases confirming there are still no steps being taken to address this issue.
