BATON ROUGE, LA – Louisiana lawmakers have officially banned handheld phone use while driving, citing concerns over driver distraction. However, the new law does not address other common in-car activities like applying eyeliner at red lights, disciplining three children with one arm, or polishing off a Caniac Combo (with extra toast, extra sauce, no slaw) from Raising Cane’s.
“We’re just trying to make the roads safer,” said one legislator on a phone call with The Sadvocate from his truck, while steering with his knee and unwrapping a Chick Fil A breakfast burrito. “Phones are a distraction. Balancing a plate of boudin on your steering wheel? That’s just called multitasking.”
Under the law, drivers can’t touch their phones—unless they’re desperately screaming “CALL MAMA” into a voice assistant that thinks “MAMA” is a restaurant.
When asked if other in-car distractions might also be addressed, lawmakers appeared confused. “What, like drinking daiquiris in traffic? Let’s not get carried away,” said one senator from Livingston Parish.
The law goes into effect August 1. Eyeliner, jumbo sodas, and fried chicken remain fully legal.
