BATON ROUGE, La. – The Louisiana state legislature kicked off its 2025 session Monday with a renewed promise to “get things done,” while carefully clarifying that those things will have no measurable benefit to ordinary residents.

In an inspiring opening address, one lawmaker pledged to “pass at least 40 new bills,” half of which are expected to rename existing roads after other roads that no longer exist. “We’re working hard to look busy,” he assured constituents.

Governor Jeff Landry praised the legislative body’s commitment to “bold, decisive distractions,” applauding their focus on issues like commemorative license plates, prayer resolutions, and a new proposal to ban microwaves in state buildings due to “radiation paranoia.”

Meanwhile, residents struggling with skyrocketing insurance costs, failing infrastructure, and a housing crisis were reminded to “be patient” as lawmakers tackle “more manageable problems,” such as banning TikTok in libraries and renaming gumbo “cultural property.”

Analysts predict another productive session—just not for the people footing the bill.