With Insurance and Transportation Unsolved, LA Legislator Tackles State’s Real Crisis: LSU Kickoff Times
Rep. John Illg (District 78) has filed legislation urging the SEC to stop scheduling LSU home games during peak heat hours. While the state grapples with crumbling infrastructure and skyrocketing insurance, lawmakers are bravely confronting the real threat: sweaty tailgaters. The bill marks Louisiana’s toughest stand yet against the sun.
City of Baton Rouge Launches “Adopt-a-Pothole” Program, Includes Party Permit and 10×10 Pop Up
Baton Rouge’s latest revenue strategy involves leasing potholes for birthday parties and football tailgates. Officials say it’s cheaper than fixing them, and proceeds will be used to cover deficits left by the last administration. Attorney Gordon McKernan has even offered to sponsor potholes in exchange for tagged selfies with his yard signs.
Locals Add Comite Diversion Completion to ‘List of Things Less Likely Than an LSU Season With No Arrests’
Locals recently added the Comite Diversion Canal’s actual completion to the same list as an LSU football season with no arrests—right between “affordable insurance” and “a functional city council.”
Chevron Escapes $744M Louisiana Judgment by Hiring Brian Kelly as VP of Subsurface Operations—Cites His History of Running Things in the Ground
Chevron dodged a $744M environmental judgment by hiring LSU’s Brian Kelly as VP of Subsurface Operations—citing his unique ability to sink high-potential programs with alarming efficiency. Louisiana officials called it “a favor to the entire region.”
Saints Re-Sign Clyde Edwards-Helaire After Realizing They Ran Out of Other Ideas
The Saints have re-signed Clyde Edwards-Helaire after exhausting all other options. “We thought about signing a rookie, but nostalgia won out,” said the GM. Fans remain cautiously optimistic—again.