The Sadvocate Begins Offering Print Edition Following Central’s 26th Cox Outage This Month
Cox outages in Central have reportedly become so severe that The Sadvocate has now been forced to launch an emergency printed newspaper edition for local readers.
Baton Rouge Furniture Store Celebrates 1,000th Consecutive Day Of Going Out Of Business
Locals are beginning to suspect “going out of business” might not actually mean what it says, especially after 1,000 consecutive days of the same sale.
Local HOA Meeting Descends Into Chaos After No Kings Protesters Attempt to ‘Dethrone’ President
A Baton Rouge HOA meeting devolved into chaos after No Kings protesters attempted to “dethrone” the neighborhood president, citing lawn rules and fines as evidence of suspicious authority.
Ruth’s Chris Reminds Baton Rouge Guests Business Casual Does Not Mean a Freshly Ironed Fishing Shirt
Several local diners said they plan to comply with the policy by simply wearing their nicest fishing shirt, which they insist is “the one without the sunscreen stains.”
Louisiana AG Liz Murrill Proposes ID Requirements for People Waiting in King Cake Lines
Louisiana Attorney General Liz Murrill proposed voter ID requirements for king cake lines, arguing the state must protect limited inventory from out-of-state buyers and residents who “just discovered Mardi Gras.”
Customers Mistake Government Shutdown for Government Street Shutdown, Camp Overnight at Anthony’s to Secure Muffulettas
Baton Rouge residents camped outside Anthony’s Italian Deli after mistaking the federal government shutdown for a shutdown of Government Street. Locals feared losing access to muffulettas, prompting overnight lines, sleeping bags, and panic worthy of Black Friday.
BREC Calls $30K in Missing Equipment An Investment in Baton Rouge’s Thriving Pawn Shop Industry
An audit may have flagged $30,000 in missing equipment, but BREC insists the items aren’t lost, they’ve simply been “reinvested” into Baton Rouge pawn shops. According to officials, every mower and treadmill sold secondhand is proof of the agency’s commitment to “local economic development.”
Baton Rouge Schools Announce They Will Reopen Tuesday Solely to Shut Down for Bad Weather
In a commitment to tradition, Baton Rouge schools will briefly reopen just to officially shut down for mild rain and wind. Officials insist the closure is necessary, reminding everyone that in Louisiana, it’s better to be overly cautious than slightly inconvenienced.