Government Admits Chemtrail Program Delayed After Difficulty Finding Pilots Willing to Poison Their Own Families
The government’s alleged chemtrail operation has reportedly stalled, not because of exposure, but because officials can’t find pilots willing to gas themselves and everyone they love.
New Juvenile Detention Center Will Include Escapee Leaderboard to Encourage Competition
Baton Rouge’s new juvenile detention center will feature an “Escapee Leaderboard,” rewarding youths for creative getaways. City officials call it “gamified rehabilitation,” while critics call it “just a scoreboard for our failure.” Bonus points awarded for dodging traffic near Florida Boulevard.
City Council’s New Motto: ‘Til Debt Do Us Part’—Alimony Tax to Mend Municipal Finances
Baton Rouge officials have a bold new plan to fix the budget—taxing the already emotionally bankrupt. The alimony tax is back, and this time, it’s not just personal. It’s painfully civic.