River Bend Nuclear Plant Replaces Emergency Sirens with Facebook Posts Nobody Will See
The River Bend Nuclear Plant has traded its decades-old emergency sirens for Facebook posts, assuming a potential meltdown won’t get lost between crawfish boil photos and conspiracy memes. Officials say this modern approach will “streamline communication,” though critics argue it mostly streamlines the odds of everyone dying while waiting for their newsfeed to refresh.
Gonzales City Council Fears Shorter Work Week Could Lead to Dangerous Levels of Employee Satisfaction
After rejecting a four-day work week, Gonzales officials assured residents they were protecting the town from radical concepts like work-life balance. “If people want more time off, they should consider getting elected,” one council member allegedly muttered.