BATON ROUGE, LA – State officials confirmed this week that Louisiana’s long-discussed Mississippi River bridge will officially move forward under its new name, the “Trump Bridge,” just as soon as residents across the state finish arguing about it.
Leaders described the project as “closer than ever,” noting that while no construction timeline, funding plan, or finalized design currently exists, the state has successfully entered what experts call the “everyone yelling at each other” phase of development.
“Look, we can’t build anything until people calm down,” said one official. “Right now we’re seeing elevated levels of caps lock usage, which is not ideal for pouring concrete.”
Transportation authorities say they are closely monitoring social media sentiment and will consider breaking ground once Facebook comments return to a manageable level of passive-aggressive instead of openly hostile.
Early projections estimate the bridge could begin construction sometime between “a few months after things settle down” and “never,” depending largely on whether residents can go 24 consecutive hours without bringing up national politics in a local traffic discussion.
State leaders reassured commuters that while the bridge may not be built anytime soon, several new committees will be formed to make sure it continues “not being built” efficiently.
