HOLLYWOOD, CA – ABC has officially reinstated Jimmy Kimmel’s late-night show after a brief suspension, but viewers appear to have missed the memo, or intentionally ignored it. Despite heavy promotion, the return episode drew fewer eyeballs than the ShamWow infomercial that typically airs at 3 a.m. on public access.
Network insiders say executives were “pleasantly surprised” anyone tuned in at all. “We’re just grateful to the three guys in Idaho who accidentally left their TVs on,” one ABC spokesperson admitted.
Meanwhile, ratings analysts confirm Kimmel continues to struggle against stiff competition like reruns of “Gilligan’s Island,” the Weather Channel’s overnight radar loop, and a YouTube livestream of someone watching paint dry.
Critics suggest his suspension may have actually boosted his popularity by reminding people he still had a show. “If ABC had kept him off the air another week, he might’ve reached cult status as a guy people remembered vaguely from the Bush years,” one media columnist noted.
For now, ABC insists they’re sticking with Kimmel, though industry rumors suggest ShamWow may be offered the coveted 11:35 p.m. slot if sales outpace his monologue by Christmas.
