Pelosi Won’t Seek Reelection, Cites Fatigue From Decades of Accidentally Timing Every Trade
Nancy Pelosi announced she won’t seek reelection, citing exhaustion from years of “accidentally timing every trade.”
LSU Athletics Staff to Operate on 8-Hour Contracts Under Rousse’s New “Interim Forever” Plan
LSU President Wade Rousse has announced a radical “Interim Forever” plan placing all athletics staff on 8-hour contracts, ensuring LSU remains “nimble, responsive, and always in a state of mild panic.”
Escaped Monkey Went Unnoticed in Mississippi After Growing Mullet and Getting Confederate Tattoo
Officials say the escaped Tulane monkey “nearly got away with it” after blending into Biloxi life with a mullet, a faded tattoo, and a Marlboro hanging from his mouth.