Bourbon Street Barriers Awarded City’s First-Ever Participation Trophy in Public Safety
New Orleans has officially honored Bourbon Street’s weakest defenders: the push-over barriers. In a ceremony dripping with irony, city officials awarded them the first-ever Participation Trophy in Public Safety, celebrating not success, but the sheer audacity of just showing up every day.
Louisiana Legislature Considers Joining LHSAA Just to Get Something Passed This Year
Lawmakers at the State Capitol admitted they’re so tired of gridlock that the LHSAA might actually be better at running things. If the association can rule a star athlete ineligible overnight, legislators joked, maybe it’s time they merged the House of Representatives into Division I.
ICE Detainees Give Angola Kitchen Zero Stars On Yelp, Say They’d Rather Starve Than Order Again
Angola’s cafeteria has officially bottomed out on Yelp, with ICE detainees unanimously giving the kitchen zero stars. Many say starvation is preferable to the gray, flavorless meals, proving even a captive audience won’t tolerate mystery meat disguised as dinner.
Alcohol Permit Approved After Denham Springs Confesses They’re Still Recovering From Last Sadvocate Article
After two denials, Denham Springs council finally approved Mustard Seed Creamery’s liquor license, not out of civic duty, but sheer fear of another Sadvocate roasting. Officials admitted the satire hit harder than any drink on the menu.