Mayor Cantrell Promises to Reverse Population Decline by Arresting Anyone Caught Packing Moving Boxes
As New Orleans’ population plummets, Mayor Cantrell refuses to take the blame. Instead, she’s cracking down on the real problem—people trying to leave. At a press conference before boarding a flight to Dubai, she assured residents, “Ain’t nobody escaping on my watch.”
Livingston Parish Burglars Blame Economy After Breaking Into Cars and Finding Nothing but Trash
Local burglars say the struggling economy is making their jobs harder, as Livingston Parish cars now hold nothing but disappointment, unpaid parking tickets, and melted ChapStick. “At least leave a working charger,” one thief begged.