Brian Kelly Withdraws Lawsuit After Finding LSU Termination Email in AOL Spam Folder
Brian Kelly’s $54 million lawsuit against LSU ended abruptly after he found his termination notice buried in his AOL spam folder, right between a FanDuel ad and a “You’ve Got Mail” reminder.
Saints Officially End Political Division in Louisiana After Left and Right Both Agree They Suck
After years of bitter political division, Louisiana has finally united, over how terrible the Saints are. Both parties came together Sunday to condemn the team’s fifth straight loss, calling it “a unifying tragedy” and awarding them the Louisiana Medal of Mutual Disappointment.
Fire Marshal Declares Clemson Cannon Safe for Indoor Use at Kid’s Birthday Parties
Clemson’s “touchdown cannon” has officially been certified safe for indoor birthday parties after fire marshals declared it no louder than a balloon pop. The device, mocked by rival fans, is now being marketed as both a stadium tradition and a children’s party accessory.
Saints Cheerleaders Execute More Successful Formations Than Offensive Line
Saints fans who booed the addition of more men to the cheer squad may want to rethink. At least those guys can hold a formation, unlike the offensive line, which looked like it was practicing modern dance instead of football during two miserable preseason games.
Derek Carr Retires, NFL’s Interception Rate Drops by 15% Overnight
With a career marked by leadership, grit, and red zone decisions that often benefited the wrong team, Carr steps away as the league’s most generous quarterback. Interceptions are already down. Cornerbacks are already grieving.