BATON ROUGE, LA – In an effort to calm growing concerns over long-term carbon storage, Jeff Landry announced Thursday that the system will be designed by the same engineers responsible for Baton Rouge’s traffic patterns, a group widely credited with ensuring nothing moves under any circumstances.
Officials say the decision should reassure residents worried about carbon escaping underground, noting that local traffic has remained reliably stationary for decades, particularly along Interstate 10 and Interstate 12 during peak hours.
“People keep asking, ‘What if the carbon shifts over time?’” said one official. “We feel confident that anything designed with this level of congestion expertise is going absolutely nowhere.”
Early models reportedly show captured carbon entering the system smoothly before experiencing immediate and indefinite delays, with no clear path forward and no measurable progress.
State leaders added that, much like Baton Rouge commuters, the carbon will be monitored closely for the first few minutes before everyone collectively accepts that it is not going anywhere.
Officials added that if the system performs as expected, the carbon could remain stuck indefinitely, occasionally inching forward just enough to give the illusion of progress.
