BATON ROUGE, LA – The Chief Financial Officer for CATS announced her resignation Monday, citing a hostile workplace environment and what she described as “constant, unreasonable pressure” to explain how a transit system with a yearly budget north of thirty million dollars can consistently field fewer operational buses than the average church youth group.
According to sources inside the agency, tensions escalated during a recent board meeting when a member asked the CFO to help the public understand why so much money produces so little movement. Witnesses say she sighed, stared at the ceiling for a full 14 seconds, and replied, “I don’t perform miracles. I just do accounting.”
Employees say the CFO grew tired of being the designated explainer for recurring questions about fleet availability, including, “Where are the buses,” “Why do half of them vanish,” and “Is the GPS system supposed to show them all parked.”
One coworker noted that the CFO had privately admitted she felt “set up to fail,” especially after discovering the organization’s long-term plan involves hoping the buses eventually fix themselves.
CATS said it will begin searching for a new CFO immediately and that applicants should be “comfortable with public scrutiny, sudden fires, and flexible definitions of the word functioning.”
