NEW ORLEANS, LA – After a downgrade from Moody’s, New Orleans officials confirmed that future drainage pump repairs will now be financed on a layaway plan, meaning residents may only get half a functioning system until the city catches up on payments.
According to the Sewerage & Water Board, pumps will be repaired in installments, screws tightened this month, belts replaced sometime next spring, and full functionality available once enough minimum payments have cleared.
A city finance officer defended the move, saying, “This is a modern, flexible approach to infrastructure. Think of it like a rent-to-own refrigerator, except the fridge is keeping half the city from flooding.”
Moody’s cited “chronic budget shortfalls, political turnover, and the city’s tendency to treat parades as fiscal policy” in its decision. One analyst compared New Orleans’ finances to a customer at Rent-A-Center, saying, “They’ll pay for three months, skip a payment during Jazz Fest, then call us when everything breaks.”
Residents are skeptical. One Mid-City homeowner said, “Great, so when it rains, the pumps will work just long enough to flood my driveway, then quit until the next payment goes through?”
Sources at City Hall confirmed that layaway may expand to garbage pickup, with residents guaranteed one bag collected now and the rest hauled off when the balance clears.
