NEW ORLEANS, LA – In an effort to ease tensions with local leaders, Governor Jeff Landry announced that all incoming National Guard units will now deploy in New Orleans disguised as “authentic neighborhood criminals” to earn the city’s trust.
The troops will reportedly arrive wearing ski masks and hoodies, and will be carrying automatic weapons “to better reflect the cultural landscape.” Officials hope the disguise will make city leaders more receptive to their presence, as previous opposition stemmed from fears of “too much law enforcement.”
“These soldiers won’t intimidate anyone,” Landry assured. “They’ll blend right in, maybe even mug a tourist or two along the way, or knock over a Popeye’s.”
Early reports indicate the plan is already working. Several councilmembers were seen praising the Guard’s “commitment to community realism,” saying how much it means to the community to get a few hundred more “criminals” bussed in.
Early feedback from city officials has been overwhelmingly positive. “It’s the first time we’ve welcomed law enforcement into our community without protesting,” said one councilmember. “We honestly don’t even mind if these particular police beat the shit out of some of our citizens.”
The state says if the program works, they may expand it statewide under the name Operation Street Cred.
