NEW ORLEANS, LA – In a stunning show of fiscal confidence and denial, New Orleans city leaders withdrew their request for a $125 million bond this week, citing “concerns” that the money might come with oversight, accountability, and other unfamiliar concepts.
Mayor-elect Helena Moreno declared that the city would stand “united” against the state’s condition of appointing a fiscal administrator, a position that, horrifyingly, would have the power to track spending and approve contracts before they’re handed to someone’s brother-in-law.
“We don’t need Baton Rouge coming in here trying to fix things,” Moreno said, proudly overlooking the city’s current inability to pay its own employees. “We’ve been balancing this budget through hope and FEMA reimbursements for years. It’s tradition.”
Council members remain confident that a mix of “creative financing,” “backlogged FEMA checks,” and “whatever’s left in the Sewerage and Water Board’s couch cushions” will keep the lights on through Mardi Gras.
Sources say the city is now exploring a new initiative called Project Pretend Everything’s Fine, aimed at maintaining normal operations until tourists stop asking why the streetlights don’t work.
